Exactly what Is Wrong with Reign

Quick intro for those who are unaware- Reign is a so-called historical drama about the lovely Mary, Queen of Scots. The first season aired and it is basically a teen drama set in a historical time. While there may be a market for these things, I’d prefer if you didn’t lay claim on a real Queen and her real life while you did it.

First off

1. the Accents: what in hell? Mary Queen of SCOTS speaks in a British accent. The French speak in a British accent. The British speak in a British accent. Heck, the *Scottish* who come frequently into the court with news from her mother, speak in a mangled Irish-Scottish accent. They alternatively roll their Rs and bite on it. I thought at first, maybe the French speak in a British accent, and to tell the difference, the British will use a different accent and the Scottish a third? Nope. Didn’t happen.

2. The Language: what is Mary doing telling Bash (we’ll get to Bash later) “Bully to you on your speedy recovery”???? What is Mary doing telling the King and Queen “Maybe I sent him a wrong message”??? (About Colin). What is this, One Tree Hill? Why is Mary talking like a high schooler? Greer telling Leith ” but he’s not you”?? (When referring to Julien). King f@&₹** Henry, telling Kenna ” you can think about that as well”??? “Well, that is just too bad”. Too bad? Too bad?? Find me one 16th century person, forget a Queen, talking like this.
Credit to Catherine, the Queen of France for maximum appropriate language.

3. The Costumes: okay, maybe it’s cause I’m a girl, but credit where credits due, the dresses are gorgeous. I just wish they were…I don’t know, remotely accurate? Queen Mary and her ladies don’t have sleeves in their dresses, (at that time!!!) the top is sometimes sheer, they wear weird vests and their hair? I half expected Kenna or Aylee to pull out a straightening iron, or Lola a curling one. Credit to servant girls and occasionally Queen C and Marie DeGuise for maximum appropriate costumes.

4. Bash: the worst part is that the only good looking guy is imaginary. Bash never existed. Diane De Portiers had two other children from a previous marriage, none with Henry. It’s fine to create characters when you’re fictionalizing history, but why would you create one just to make a medieval Vampire Diaries? We should rename this: Bash/ Damon, the dark haired, sexy looking older brother, notorious with women, who is darker and more disturbing, “uncivilized” than the younger brother. Francis/Stefan, the blonde, nice guy who is all about honor and duty, falls in love (with a girl who better resembles a TV Elena Gilbert than Mary Queen of Scots), but-shock-so does his brother! What can they all do? At one point they kiss, but it “doesn’t mean anything”, Bash killed a man( in the woods) for Mary. In the end, Elena ends up with Stefan. Oh, sorry, I mean Queen Mary ends up with Prince Francis. Credit to Bash for smoldering.

5. Random Teenage Drama: which consists about at least half of the entire time. All the girls and their various loves seem to be central rather than subplots. Greer and Leith, Kenna and the King? Ahh! And kenna later marries Bash. Why they had to ruin the sweet brotherhood between Bash and Francis, why there’s a random Natalia at the beginning…it feels a lot more like PLL or TVD than a historical story. Why is the King being such a creep? Credit to Nostradamus, because even he managed some teen drama (Olivia D’Amencourt, you beast! No, just kidding really).

6. The Political Scene in Scotland: doesn’t make sense. I’ve counted five times that Marie De Guise’s life and country was threatened, and each time, someone comes to the French Court, each time Mary demands armies from either Henry or money from Catherine and each time she’s let down. If, by the fourth time, Marie DeGuise isn’t dead, I think everyone can just relax about the entire army-sending scenario. And each time just seems like a chance for Mary and Francis to get closer. What about her country? Credit to Marie DeGuise for NEVER dying.

7. The Bean Queen: Penelope is a weird addition to this mix. There was never any tradition to make a girl the Queen for a day, and I doubt the king would “amuse” himself with kitchen girls if there were ladies like Kenna around. Also, the bondage
scene is…weird.

8. Nostradamus and his prophecy: Nostradamus was definitely a renowned healer and prophecy maker, but he never prophesied the prince’s death by Mary. That would have been fine if it was a side plot, an additional motivation to get rid of Mary. As that was the main riveting plot point around which a large chunk of the first season spins, and as Nostradamus has stayed behind and sent Olivia alone, it’s clear that this is not only crucial, it is also going to crop up in later seasons.

9. Music: was so inaccurate it freaked me out. I might compare costumes and music with Tudors, but I have my own issues with Tudors, so I won’t.

I suppose, if you want to watch it for fun, or entertainment (because it is entertaining) then that’s fine. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who wishes for historical accuracy. Btw, things like Hair color and eye color are not always possible to copy on screen, so it’s something you can forgive (don’t stone me, historical puritans!). There were black Prosperos and female Hamlets, so a Mary without auburn hair and hazel eyes (exactly like Elizabeth I’s, by the way) is still acceptable. Once you know it’s gonna be about the four girls and their boyfriends, and lovely Mary QoS’s love life is overemphasized, then you can enjoy it and relax.

Happy Reign Watching. Or not. 

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